The school dance
by TCBN
Summary: The school dance is coming up and chaos ensues (no gay pairings) Rebecca Costwald is assigned to change Kenny for the greater good. Kenny wants to break Kyle and Bebe up to get Bebe, and Clyde finds his feelings for Rebecca. (no gay stuff)
1. Prologue

The freshly fallen snow shrouded the town like refined sugar. The yellow brick building stuck out the ground like a sore thumb. That school has a banner across its second story windows _school dance coming up. _In the school hallways, Kenny and Bebe were arguing. Bebe slapped Kenny in the face, tears streaming down her cheeks. They were standing in the school hallway and Kenny had just made a joke.

"You're a womanizing whore!" Bebe cried, "I can't believe that you're objectifying other woman in order to get it your way!"

"Well, you don't put out" Kenny rolled his eyes, "ever"

"If you TREATED me right, maybe I'd actually give a shit about you!" Bebe shoved Kenny over, "You've been nothing but an absolute dick!"

"You promised me we'd have sex!" Kenny shouted

"Leave her alone, asshole" Clyde came up to Bebe, fuming, a gentle hand on Bebe's shoulder.

"Hey, you back off! This is between her and me!" Kenny snapped, shoving Clyde who took a deep sigh, clasped Bebe's hand and led her away while shaking his head.

In the girl's committee, everyone watched as Bebe tried to collect herself, wiping her face from tears.

"Thank you for coming to the emergency girl's committee" Wendy stood up, arms behind her back, looking business like.

"I only know about four of you girls and I'm still told to come here?" Alex muttered to herself.

"We, as a cohort of girls" Bebe stood from her chair, "have collectively decided to transform the most perverted boy in the year and make provide him a date for the dance"

"We can't do that to him" Alex snapped, "He won't change his ways!"

"Yeah! We all know that!" Heidi shouted from next to Alex

"He's been treating us girls like nothing but a set of popped condoms" Bebe said

"Really?" Alex couldn't help but go absolutely red, "thank god I hardly like him in THAT way"

"As we all know" Bebe cleared her throat, "we must assign ONE girl to change him for the better. Show him the true meaning of love"

"It won't work!" Red said, "He fucked a fork because he wanted to"

Alex had to cover her face to stifle laughter. No wonder she hated these committees, they always bitched about other people.

"Who'll be the subject?" Wendy looked around the suddenly quiet room

"This is a stupid idea!" Rebecca gasped,

"She's r-" Alex began, only to watch Wendy slowly turn around, point a finger at Rebecca.

"You" Wendy jerked a thumb, "You're it"

"NO!" Rebecca screamed, "Please! NO!"

Rebecca started to tremble, surrounded by girls sitting at their desks, staring at her.

"I'm sorry, love" Wendy cooed, "But you're it!"

"The experiment won't work!" Rebecca spat "You can't subject me to this!"

"No!" Rebecca tried to swat Wendy's hand off, "NO!"


	2. Chapter 2

In the Broflovski household, a whole new massive argument was just about to erupt.

"Kyle Broflovski!" Sheila screamed, yanking open the bedroom door

"Hi mom" Kyle looked over his shoulder, in the middle of writing his history essay.

"Don't you Hi Mom me! Come downstairs THIS INSTANT!" Sheila roared

"Haha" Ike pointed a finger at Kyle, "Stupid Kyle! Stupid Kyle! You're a stupid stupid Kyle!"

"Stop that, Ike" Kyle muttered, walking downstairs, following the massive mound of fat that called itself Sheila.

Kyle sat on the couch, expecting to hear something about leaving the dishes in the sink or swearing in front of Ike.

"Young man!" Sheila stood in front of Kyle, "Your friend sent me pictures of you and your friend in the movie theaters!"

"Bebe and I went to the movies" Kyle began, only to whiten in fear.

"Why did Kenny McCormick send me photos of you two…" Sheila looked at Ike and did the sex sign, face contorting into rage.

"We didn't go all the-" Kyle did the sign too, "because it was a public place!"

"Well it definitely looked as if you two were having-" Sheila did the sign again, only to whiten as Ike repeated Sheila.

"Kyle and Bebe?" Ike blinked, still pumping each hand in the respective sign. Sheila, out of embarrassment quietly leaned down and snapped his arms down to his sides, "That's a very rude sign!"

"What's so rude about-" Ike began, only for his eyes to widen, jaw to drop in astonishment as he realized what they were talking about.

"Did you use plastic!?" Sheila spat, struggling to find code words for protection.

"Yes" Kyle looked at his feet.

"You're a very foolish young man, Kyle! Underage-" Sheila did the sign, "-is illegal and can result in unwanted-" she pointed at her fat stomach.

"MOM!" Kyle went bright red

"Kyle did an Uh Oh!" Ike clasped his face, not sure why his mother was

"Yes, Ike, I _shat_ myself in public. In front of Bebe!" Kyle cocked an eyebrow in Ike's direction

"You shatted on Bebe?" Ike blinked

"Don't swear!" Sheila snapped, only to go completely white

"Mom?" Kyle whispered, face going even redder, "I don't think you've registered but…. Kenny has child p-" Kyle broke into a coughing fit.

Ike blinked, "Kenny owns a picture of Kyle and Bebe…?"  
"Goddamit, Take Ike out of this room!" Sheila ordered Gerald who passed the two. He silently scooped a giggling Ike away.

"Kyle," Sheila covered her face, "You're GROUNDED! You're not even supposed to have a girlfriend let alone go and-" Sheila waved her hand to motion what she was meaning, "….breed"

"We're not rabbits" Kyle said in a small voice, even smaller when he continued, "I didn't know my best friend took photos of us two"

"I have to call the police!" Sheila cried, "My poor baby is on the cover of a sick mined child's child porno!"

"Mom- I-" Kyle gulped, "Kenny is jealous of me and Bebe. That's why he did it"

000

Rebecca laughed at a joke that Kenny has said, squirting ketchup on his last few stray fries.

"You're not going to eat that?" Kenny pointed at her lone fry on her plate, "I'm starving"

"No" Rebecca shook her head, jumping when her phone started to ring.

_Rebecca, I need to set up an emergency girl's meeting! _

_"_I can't Bebe, I'm out" Rebecca said

_Kyle dumped me an hour ago! I need reassurance! _

"You have a wonderful smile?" Rebecca asked, looking at Kenny laugh at her comment.

_That DICKHEAD you're dating posted photographs to Kyle's MOTHER! _

"Of what? A harmless kiss?" Rebecca grinned at her overreaction only to go white

_Of us two! GOING AT IT!_

"I have to go" Rebecca stood up, hanging up her phone, just in time to hear the words _bail out on dating Kenny! On behalf of the committee of girls!_

"Please stay!" Kenny begged, eyes moving over her shoulder as sirens wailed outside the restaurant.

"Why?" Rebecca snapped, "So you can make FUN of me!?"

"No- I-" Kenny froze as a cop entered the restaurant and walked over

"There has been an incident" a cop said, prodding Kenny, "involving you"

"You asshole" Rebecca growled through gritted teeth

"You are under arrest for possession of child pornography!" the officer shouted, causing several heads to turn and Rebecca to stand up, and run, hot tears streaming down her face.

Clyde sat in the gutter outside her house. She didn't want to face her parents looking like this. She also most definitely didn't want to tell them what had happened.

"Rebecca?" a familiar voice caused her to look up, wiping snot from her face

"Hey, Clyde" Rebecca hiccupped, hugging her knees

"Are you alright?" Clyde sat beside her

"That moronic pervert!" Rebecca cried, covering her face, "My friends and I thought we could change him to be a better person!"

"Hey, it's okay" Clyde put an arm around her, "Everything will be okay"

"How- how can you be so sure!" Rebecca hiccupped, "I've had a bad week! I've been told by my best friend she was unwittingly photographed, went on a date with a PERVERT and don't have a date for the dance"

"Will it make you feel better if I tell you I don't have a date either?" Clyde leaned in, "as we all know, we don't need a date"

"Clyde?" Rebecca sniffed, wiping her nose, "Will you go to the dance with me?"

Clyde widened his eyes in astonished amazement. He smiled a large smile, nodding, unable to speak, watching Rebecca's face light up from his response.

"Seeing that your date was cut very early, why don't we catch a movie or something?" Clyde stood up

"Tha- that would be awesome!" Rebecca jumped up, feeling her arm get looped into his own.


	3. Chapter 3

Butters, sweating and frantic, ran for the gymnasium, petrified.

"Fellas!" Butters screamed, "FELLAS!"

"What is it?" Stan stared as Butters skidded to a halt near him

"Where's Kyle?" Butters gasped

"He said he didn't want to come to the dance" Stan sighed, "Nursing a broken heart"

"Kyle" Butters cleared his throat, "Bailed Kenny out of jail!"

"We know" Stan snapped

"Oh" Butters walked away

The music started to play, everyone partnered up dancing and talking amongst themselves when they heard a loud crash. Cartman, the most idiotic of them all, decided to dive Clyde into the punch bowl, strangling him.

"Why do you always get the girls!" Cartman roared, ignoring the glass bowl spinning wildly atop Clyde's damp head.

"I don't" Clyde got up, only for Cartman to grab him by the throat and start choking him.

"Stop it!" Rebecca cried, sweating profusely as the music screeched to a stop and everyone turned to stare.

"Go fuck yourself, smartass!" Cartrman spat

Rebecca turned around, lifted the punch bowl and smacked it into Cartman's head, knocking him out cold. As Rebecca helped her date up, the music resumed and everyone started talking again, forgetting about the unconscious body on the floor.

"How's that for a weird entrance" Rebecca giggled

"Y-yeah" Clyde laughed, "um, where do I put my hands? I'm right handed, so it won't work"

Rebecca laughed, as she put her hands around her neck, "you don't need to be right handed to hold me by the waist"

"O- oh" Clyde laughed as he did so "y- yeah sorry"

"Nah don't be" Rebecca blushed

"O- ah, thank you" Clyde said

"About time you said that!" Craig shouted from the other side of the room

"Shut up" Clyde muttered

"No worries" Rebecca blushed

"Should we go for a walk?" Clyde offered, "I don't want to get beat up again"

"Sure" Rebecca smiled, leading him out.

Hearing screaming outside, Stan moved past Wendy and ran outside to the noise, to see a kid with bright blonde hair screaming at a red headed kid.

"Kyle!" Stan looked relieved to see his best friend "You _came_!"

"Is that some sort of sick joke?" Kenny turned to stare at Stan who snorted with laughter.

"Ha-ha" Kyle flipped Kenny off, "It wasn't my fault that YOU went to jail for taking photos of me and Bebe!"

Kenny kicked Kyle in the stomach, hard, causing him to groan as he fell onto the snow, in pain.

"Kenny! What are you doing!" Stan shrieked

"Bebe doesn't put out!" Kenny shouted

"Of course she wouldn't!" Stan snapped, standing in front of Kyle, "she knows better not to sleep with players or womanizing perverts!"

"Kyle is a SNITCH!" Kenny roared

"And you're a registered pedophile!" Kyle shouted from the floor, kicking him in the balls, causing Kenny to fall over.

"You're an asshole!" Kenny shouted, leaping over to strangle Kyle

"You can't make girls like you!" Kyle croaked

"Yes, I can!" Kenny snarled

While this was happening, Rebecca and Clyde were walking, discussing the craziness of South Park and Rebecca's failed mission.

"Sorry about earlier" Clyde laughed, "I have two left feet"

"I can't dance ev- even if it was for millions of dollars" Rebecca blushed

"I have something to tell you" Clyde said quietly "I love you"

"So do I, Clyde Donovan" Rebecca blushed, reaching to kiss him.

The duo jumped in fright to see Stan wrestling a gun from Kenny's hand and Kyle's body on the ground.

"Ah!" Rebecca and Clyde jumped to the ground, not sure what to do

"I'm going to kill you!" Kenny roared, swatting Kyle as he freed himself from Stan.

"Stop doing this!" Clyde screamed, unable to stop himself, running for the trio, Rebecca running in the other direction.

"You bastard!" Kenny shoved Clyde over

"Don't move!" Stan cocked a gun at Kenny, "Or I shoot!"

"You wouldn't fucking kill me, would you?" Kenny seethed, walking up to Stan

Stan's gun clicked, meaning it was empty. Kyle staggered to his feet, only to be yanked off his feet by Stan.

"RUN!" Stan screamed, Clyde and Kenny in tow.

They all kept running, Clyde froze up, feeling a gunshot explode out of his heart. Clyde fell to the floor, groaning in pain, staring at a sudden hoard of angry Kennys charging in his direction. Clyde slowly closed his eyes, readying himself to get trampled. Either he was injected with a dart full of heroin that he was tripping or this was real.

"Wait for me, Rebecca" Clyde said quietly, feeling his life float away, "I'll meet you on the other side of this sorrow, we'll cry together! But let that be the last of our tears! I love you and my love will not die with me!" with than, one of the Kenny's stomped Clyde's head in, squashing his brains out like toothpaste.

Stan and Kyle stood in a dark alleyway, unsure where to go. There was a definite hoard of angry looking Kennys running at them.

"I'm going to die" Kyle sniffed

"We'll be just fine, I promise" Stan reassured

Suddenly, a figure in purple jumped down in front of them, throwing a grenade into the angry orange masses.

"I'm the real Kenny" Mysterion said, turning to face them, "I don't know where all the clones are coming from"

"You?" Kyle croaked, "You're jealous of me because of Bebe?"

"Yeah" Stan shrugged, ignoring an explosion

A dumpster nearby opened, revealing Bebe.

"I hate you, Kenny!" Bebe cried, "You forced me and Kyle to break up!"

"I'll save you!" Kenny went for Bebe

"I still have feelings for Kyle!" Bebe sniffed

"Then i'm not saving your ass!"he laughed

"Kenny! I broke up so you and I could stop fighting!" Kyle screamed

"Oh shit" Stan gulped, watching Kenny slowly turn around and unpin a grenade.

0000

Kenny awoke the next day and attended four funerals at once. At one of the funerals, kenny did what he knew best, hit on other women.

"So" Kenny slithered next to Rebecca, "How are you?"

"You're an asshole" Rebecca sniffed

"I can't change" Kenny shrugged, sliding up to Alex

"you killed our friends" Alex shoved Kenny over

"You're looking mighty fine, sexy" Kenny glided to Principal Victoria

"Desperate dickhead" Wendy muttered

THE END

story inspired by rp with me, bargeo and epicpenguin13


End file.
